Are you going to GET another one?

So....I took my daughter into work today so people could see her in her Halloween costume. Do you know someone actually asked me that?!

"Are you guys going to get another one do you think?"

HUH?! I was really caught off guard and didn't really realize what she was asking me. I said "What?! Get what?!"....She says "You know, get another baby".

Really? I didn't know that it was as easy as "getting a puppy"....at least that is the way she made it sound.

"OH, you mean, thinking about adoption again?".....

Seriously? I wanted to say "Are you going to go pop another one out of your crotch?!"....I know I sound a bit vulgar here...but seriously, don't talk about my daughter like I brought a damn puppy home. 

How do you think that will make her feel when she gets older?

November is National Adoption Month....so I wanted to post that above picture to help everyone become aware of the "positive" adoption terms they can use. Not everyone knows them, and that's ok - but please have a little consideration. I really would NEVER ask you, "So, uhm, do you think you're going to have sex tonight to conceive another baby?".....Your words are just as hurtful and ignorant as someone saying that.

What COULD she have said? "Do you guys have plans to maybe adopt again in the future?"....That's as simple as asking someone if they plan on having more children.

Dress Up...

My child LOVES to dress up! This has become a new found love of hers. Any time she can find a bracelet or necklace, she has to put it on. If she finds a rubber band from my hair, she has to wear it as a bracelet.
She is a girly girl to the max. She always wants her toes painted and brings my the nail polish and will lift her feet and say "toes?"

She is notorious for stealing my knee highs I wear to work. Here she is in all of her glory wearing them. And, we can't forget the sparkly shoes! She is always putting those shoes on. Yesterday, she was wandering around the house grabbing items to "dress up" with, so I decided to pull out some dress up stuff I've been saving for her.....

She absolutely adored it! This mirror is on the back of my bedroom door. She waddled over there (waddled in her high heels) and spun around and looked at me and said "MOMMY - PIN-CESS!!!!" 

She played this way for about an hour. All Antoine could do was laugh at her. Every time her WAY.TOO.BIG shoes fell off, she would hurry and fix them - instead of ripping them off (I would have thought she would be annoyed with them being so big).

My little girl is so funny, she sure does love her dress up!

Tonight is Trick-Or-Treating. We will be going to my aunts house so that she can go around with her cousin Aryanna who is 2 years older than her. She will probably have a blast I'm sure!

Birthday Palooza & My Smart Cookie

Saturday started off our first of many birthday parties to come!!!! We went to lunch with Antoines sister, as she turned 11 (YIKES 11!! I remember the day she learned to walk!). Although Noelani always enjoys a good meal, it wasn't a big party. The next day, Sunday, was our first real birthday party. This was for Antoines friends daughter who turned 2. 

She had a BLAST....

Enjoying her cookie from her friends birthday party....

Noelani LOVES Elmo...and as soon as she saw the birthday girls balloon, she wanted to grab it!

Every time she eats snacks she wants to share them with Mommy

She looks SO old here!!! My baby is growing up

Antoine took her in the gym to "play" basketball

While we were there, Noelani kept grabbing all of the kids hands saying "come on....watch this....hand". All of the other little kids kept staring at her like "huh? what do you want?!" Finally...this little girl who must have been around 4 years old, walked up and said "hey little girl, want to play with me?" and they ran away hand in hand.

My baby <3

My mom got her this little pumpkin. Noelani is LOVING her pumpkins lately. We have 4 of them in front of our fireplace so far. We are going to *attempt* to carve one tomorrow I think. Wish us luck.

Today, I called Noelani from work, and heard her saying "Turrrrrrrkey, gobble, gobble, gobble" She cracks me up!!! Her favorite thing in the world now is to ask for "High pives" aka high fives and "pounds" (fist pounds). 

Noelani's vocabulary is so extensive now that I don't even think I can make up a list! I pulled out her flash cards last night and I'd say she knew 90% of them - even I was shocked!! She can count to 10 on her own, and with a little help gets to 20. We are working on her knowing to tell people she is "2" (can't believe my baby will be 2 in 3 months). She is in LOVE with Minnie and Mickey Mouse. She also loves Princess Tiana and dressing up with jewelry. EVERY morning she asks for bracelets and a necklace - haha!! I just love her soooooooo much. Someday I know she will get sick of my squeezes I constantly give her, so for now, I overload her!

Reciting her flashcards and counting

The thing we were missing, is the same another needs....

THIS.IS.WHY.INFERTILITY.HURTS

You never know if you will get a chance to see this. When I say this I mean, the bond of a family. YES, I have my family now - but I will never forget those who don't.

I am sharing this couple with everyone, from a blog my friend Michelle wrote about. Like Tammy & Mark <---(read here), we struggled with infertility. It hurts. Nope, there isn't any other word to explain it besides hurt. You have to face it every single place you turn. I have run into Tammy & Marks blog every now and then while hunting the internet for stories of infertility and treatments. Somehow, in the infertility world, you unfortunately, have an instant bond.

As many may or may not know, adoption is expensive. 

Let's begin to discuss the cost of infertility treatments. (Here is the description from about.com: "The average IVF cost is $12,000, but it can be as much as $15,000. It may be as low as $10,000, but it’s rarely lower than that. These prices are for one cycle of IVF"). WE tried one round of IVF (aka in vitro fertilization). This does not include any other costs for insemination, which I cannot even count how many times we tried that. It also does not include any medication, testing, or surgery costs I had along the years of our treatments (3+). In addition, it does not include the heartbreak! Knowing that I think my body wasn't strong enough to carry my two babies during the IVF, killed me inside.

But alas, as everyone tells you as an infertile person, "there is always adoption". YES I know there is. EVERY infertile person knows this is an option. BUT, how do you afford it???? According to theadoptionguide.com: "The average cost of adoption, as reported in the latest Adoptive Families adoption cost survey (2009-2010), was around $30,000 (before the federal tax credit and employee adoption benefits)."

Did your jaw just drop? I know mine did when I first really looked into adoption. How would I ever become a mom? 

Low and behold, you never know who is out there ready and willing to help. I will not discuss details on my blog of how we afforded our adoption, because I feel it is private...BUT I will say, I feel every woman with the desire in their heart to be a Mama, should have that fulfilled. It sounds cliche but I really believe that those of us who can't "carry" a baby, are put here on earth to mother those babies that God chooses specifically for us.

 How cool is that?!?!?! God decided to choose me for my baby & my baby for me!!!!!

With that being said, no matter how lucky I am, I will never ever forget those feelings of struggle. NEVER. I will always do everything I can to help another woman become a Mama.

Tammy & Mark are trying to fund raise in order to bring their baby home. After years of struggling to conceive, they are moving on to adoption. They are having their profiles shown to expectant birth moms and waiting to be matched. In the meantime, I am helping spread their story - PLEASE check out their fund raising website and help them out: Wondra Peanut Fund.

SUCH an exhausting couple of weeks ahead for us!

THIS is how I will feel by the time Thanksgiving comes! Being a full time working mom HAS to be the most exhausting job in the world. I never stop moving from the time I wake up until the time I go to bed. I am lucky to get 6.5 hours of sleep a night. This is even on work days. Usually we get up by 5:30 am, daycare by 6:45am, I'm at work 7-3, then picking her up. Then after getting her, we do any errands we need, and/or go play at a playground if its nice, or whatever else our day needs. Then I run home to make dinner, after dinner then it's bath time. Then the dishes need to be done, vacuuming, laundry, picking up the mornings mess - you name it (all the things a stay at home mommy would do). Alot of the times, these "chores" hold off though. Normally after bath time, AND in between cooking dinner, Noey and I cuddle and play and read books, etc. After bath, I try to squeeze in time for the treadmill while she watches Blues Clues. Then we play some more/snuggle until it's bedtime. This will occur for her, anytime between 7:30 - 9pm, depending on how well she napped - so it's very unpredictable. Those chores I named, WELL those then come next. Once I'm FINALLY done, I try to get a shower by 10pm, and then lay down by 10:30. I try to squeeze in some TV and then hope to sleep between 11 to 12pm to get up at 5:30am and start it allllll over again.

I am lucky that I work until 3 most days (when I'm not running late to work by 15 min which happens 3 out of 5 days!).....

That way, I am able to spend a good 5.5 hours with my daughter each night. Not alot of working moms get that much time with their babies. Alot of moms feel like they are at daycare more than home. Considering my daughter naps 2-3 hours a day, she is technically at daycare awake for 5 hours. So her weekdays are really split. The weekends she NEVER leaves my sight. Her grandmas fight to watch her....and are never successful lol I am a time hog! BUT, at least I can say I raised my daughter and she had enough bonding time with me. I still feel guilty, but it is what it is and I have to work for now. My job provides basically free health insurance and a 401k match that is out of this world, AND a pension. So, I have taken into consideration, there are more benefits to my family by continuing to work.

BUT, take my next few weekends for example, AND, you would probably want to curl up into a ball:

Sat 10/22 - Gymnastics 9-945am, then Antoines little sis has her bday

Sun 10/23 - Antoines best friends daughter is turning 2, so we have a bday @ 1, and Antoines taking pics for it

Sat 10/29 - Gymnastics 9-945am, then my friends son is most likely having his bday party

Sun 10/30 - *I cannot remember at this exact moment but I know it's something*

Sat 11/5 - Gymnastics 9-945am, then my other friends son is having a bday party

Sun 11/6 - I have a baby shower to attend

SO, there goes my next three weekends. In between all of this, we have a daycare Halloween party on 10/28 that I need to make some sort of snack for (what kind of mom would I be if I didn't?!). Then we have Halloween on the 31st (thank GOD I took this day off).

I seriously need a personal assistant! I'm sure my next set of weekends after that will get booked. SIDE NOTE: Shortly after this original blog, I found out a friend of mine is coming in town the weekend before Thanksgiving. SO I guess I was right, my November will fill fast too! BUT, at least when she comes, I get to relive my high school days and go see the premiere of the new Twilight movie LOL!

Not to mention, my mom won't be doing Thanksgiving this year, I'm SURE because of her surgery, so I will be helping my sister with that (Hey Amanda - here's your notification, Thanksgiving will be at your place since there's no stairs for mom ;)).

Then there is planning for Noelani's 2nd birthday - I have her cake booked so far and that's about it. I also need to seriously think of Christmas shopping too. I have a feeling online shopping will be in my forecast.

PHEW! So if you ever think you are tired....live my world for a month. YAWN. I even know some moms who work part time who think they are tired - DOUBLE that work and welcome to my world.

I think I need a nap now.....oh wait, I'm sure there's SOMETHING that needs to be done!

I love fall....

Noey rocking her "bracelets" Nana gave her

Looking for the squirrels in the tree

She must have ran 300 laps up and down my moms neighbors sidewalk

Did I ever mention how much I love my little Noelani? ACK I want to just eat her face! She is such a love bug. I swear to God I will never stop loving her for all my life no matter WHAT! Even on nights like tonight, I never get sick of being a Mama! Antoine has to work super stinky shifts the next 3 days because he is helping with inventory at work. That means he leaves before she wakes up and comes home WAYYYY after she goes night night. Sad - I looked at Noey tonight as we were eating dinner and said "it's kind of quiet without Dada isn't it?!" She looked at me and said "YES!" I know baby, but Daddy & I work all these hours so we can provide the best for you.

Speaking of best for her....we have started to plan our 2013 Disney trip. Yayyyyy! We will be taking her there for her 3rd birthday (so exciting!). Neither Antoine or I have ever been there before!

Ok well...off to bed for this Mama! After a full day of work, then a meeting that ran over by 45 minutes, hanging with Nana, dinner, baths, dishes, and a bedtime for a feisty girl...I.AM.BEAT!

Fascination with ears.....

My daughter has an odd fascination with her ears. I don't even know WHY!!! Moms - do any of your kids have this issue? She will try to stick ANYTHING in her ears. I mean a.n.y.t.h.i.n.g. 

Today, when we got home and I got her out of the car, she had a tissue she had ripped into tiny little pieces and stuck in her ears like mini cotton balls. I have no clue what started this obsession. She has always been a baby who played with their ears. I cannot even begin to tell you how many times I have taken her to the Dr. suspecting an ear infection - to find out nothing was wrong. They finally gave her "numbing" ear drops (the same you would get if you had an infection and the pain that comes with it). The Dr. suspects it's her allergies - which she has a hard time with.

As a baby - and even now as a toddler, she plays with her ears when she is sleepy. Some kids suck their thumbs, but my silly little girl rubs her ears.

The scariest problem I have encountered with this, was her old daycare. Let me say she was only in this daycare for a couple of months....and this was one of the last straws I had with this place. I had called them just the day before, to warn them of her new obsession (sticking stuff in her ears). The very next day, I show up and my baby is in a corner by herself, sticking a piece of ripped cardboard in her ear (probably the size of half of a dime). Now, had I not warned the center of this, I wouldn't have been so mad - it would have been my fault. But, knowing I had specifically called to warn them of this - it really pissed me off to see this - lets just say this daycare was short lived.

Anyway - does or has anyone else experienced this weird fascination their kid may have?! If so - what age will she outgrow it!! She's almost 2 and we are still struggling with this. 

Fall is finally here!!!

WARNING: This is going to be a picture heavy post - don't say I didn't warn you!!! 

I am still sick...but, with a weekend this nice, I couldn't just sit around and make my poor baby sit in the house! SO, I sucked it up and yesterday I packed her a lunch and we went to the playground. Dada was working, so I picked up grandma and we brought Jazmin (our chihuahua) and Noey to the playground. 

As you can see in the photo below, bread is pretty much a waste in my house with Noelani. I read somewhere before that you should try presenting a food to a child around 10-15 times before really ruling it out. SO, I periodically make her sandwiches with bread. She ate a quarter of a slice and that was about it - at least she ate most of the bologna!!! You can also notice, the diva has on some Dora bracelets. 

This is a new little playground they redid by my moms house and I have been meaning to take her here, so today seemed to be the perfect day. She started off on the bigger kids set, but after she realized it was a bit too big, we ventured over to the age appropriate set for her. It's really adorable and this little setup is specifically for kids ages 2-5. It's really cute with different climbers for their size. There's also a little section with a Train that she enjoyed. I thought the bongos were cute too!

We stayed there for about 45 minutes to an hour and she was really awesome when we went to leave. It's hard to predict lately how she will react. She gets very overly emotionally lately about certain things - so I anticipated a meltdown. I also anticipated a meltdown when we left gymnastics that am, but it didn't happen - maybe because Nana was there too! We went home and her and I crashed for a nap for a couple hours!

Exploring the outside in fall....

Here was a picture I snapped on one of our nightly walks. The fall is here so it's absolutely PERFECT for outdoor activities!

Apparently, Sophie, my sisters dog loves the outdoors in the fall too! I hope this weekend we will be able to make it to one of the pumpkin farms!! Last year we took Noelani with Ashley (Antoines sister). They had fun, but Noey was too little to really run around and enjoy it. In fact, it's crazy to think that she wasn't even walking this time last year!! 

Tonight, we went to a birthday party. It was so weird thinking about the differences from last year to this year. Last year, I remember having to hold her the WHOLE time during the party. I also remember having to sit upstairs and try to get her to take a nap! This year - it was SO different. She was one of the "big" kids - running around with all the other kiddos and playing with the toys. I actually got a few minutes to relax here and there while she wandered off and played.

A quick update on me: I've been sticking to my diet/exercise as best as I can. I have a TERRIBLE ear infection right now, and what I believe is a pulled muscle in my neck/back from lifting the treadmill. I slept for 13 hours last night...and I REALLY did not want to go on the treadmill tonight. I did eat a piece of pizza and a cupcake tonight, so I knew it was absolutely necessary to get on there. I got my butt on there and actually beat my best time. I'm ashamed at what my "best" time is lol so I won't post that....but I will say I have cut the time it takes me to do a mile down by 3 minutes from my initial time 2 weeks ago. I have already lost close to 5 pounds....it's hard to actually tell because with it coinciding with my cycle, I'm not sure if it could be more/less of a loss because of my bloating, etc. Either way, I'm satisfied to say that's about a 2.5 lb loss each week. It will take me a LONG time to lose the weight, I'm sure....I just hope to stick with it. I've found that the weekend last week was much harder to stick with than the weekdays. I have to work on that!

This is why I cried....

THIS.IS.WHY.BEING.INFERTILE.HURT.

I would cry for days. I thought I was cheating my husband out of this. I could not accept that I was cheating him out of being a daddy. I cried many tears through those years. For myself AND for Antoine.

I believed that I would never give him a chance to feel the love between a son/daughter and himself. AND it would be my fault. At least that is what I thought. 

I was SO wrong. I believe the bond they have is one of the strongest I have ever seen between a Daddy & daughter. I believe our wait and struggles makes their bond even stronger. 

Every single day her Daddy comes home, she SQUEALS with delight and runs to the door with her arms up. Then her and Daddy have to spend time rough housing, ended by some snuggles and kisses.

As rough as those times were, and as sad as I was - thinking he would never be a Daddy....all of those tears were worth it. Every.single.tear.

I wouldn't change a THING....I've said it before. If I had to do it all over again, to end up with Noelani as my daughter, I would. I would NEVER want any other little girl besides her! I'm sure her Daddy would agree 100%!!!!

Sidenote: Tomorrow, Noelani will get to see Yo Gabba Gabba Live - she will FREAK! I am so excited to see her little smile. I remember last year, she was only approximately 9 months old when they came. She used to giggle and smile even that young. We realized she was way too young last year, but KNEW if they ever came back she would go. Not only is she going - we got the VIP passes so she can attend the "after party" and hang out with the Gabba gang. As I said, she is going to FREAK!!!!!! She sleeps with her stuffed Brobee and Muno every night!!!!!