"Are you guys going to get another one do you think?"
HUH?! I was really caught off guard and didn't really realize what she was asking me. I said "What?! Get what?!"....She says "You know, get another baby".
Really? I didn't know that it was as easy as "getting a puppy"....at least that is the way she made it sound.
"OH, you mean, thinking about adoption again?".....
Seriously? I wanted to say "Are you going to go pop another one out of your crotch?!"....I know I sound a bit vulgar here...but seriously, don't talk about my daughter like I brought a damn puppy home.
How do you think that will make her feel when she gets older?
November is National Adoption Month....so I wanted to post that above picture to help everyone become aware of the "positive" adoption terms they can use. Not everyone knows them, and that's ok - but please have a little consideration. I really would NEVER ask you, "So, uhm, do you think you're going to have sex tonight to conceive another baby?".....Your words are just as hurtful and ignorant as someone saying that.
What COULD she have said? "Do you guys have plans to maybe adopt again in the future?"....That's as simple as asking someone if they plan on having more children.
I worry constantly about what the kids are going to think about stupid people's dumb comments all the time. I hate worrying about something that we shouldn't have to worry about.
ReplyDeleteWhat kills me most is, "Are YOU her Mommy?" I get that from little kids all the time and while I know they are innocent and curious, I hate it. Makes me feel like Kayla is going to feel 'different'. I HATE IT.
And from adults, "Where did you get them? Where did they come from?
And the WORST of all time...
"Oh, so they arent yours?"
Well why freaking YES THEY ARE MINE. ARE YOU STUPID? They can hear ya know and thanks for considering my feelings too while your at it.
Yes, I hate it too. I guess it's something we must get used to, being "transracial" parents. I kind of hate that term too, but in a way i "get" it.
ReplyDeleteYES, my daughter is MINE!!!!! I am her MOM - as you are Kayla and Cadens mommy!!!
I had someone ask me once "was she born here?!" - SERIOUSLY? That was someones way of asking it.
I truly with all of my heart hope our kids can meet. I hope that they can meet and as they grow, become friends and keep in touch because this will be something I believe they will have in common.
I hate peoples dumb questions, because it seems like some things people say should be common sense to NOT ask, or maybe to phrase it a different way!!!!!
I know that Noelani will grow up and be looked at as "different"....but it sure will make it tough for her to have the self confidence I want her to have!!!!
Oh I get that question too.....Was she born here? Kayla looks like a Guam local so I get it all the time. They ask me, is she local? No, she was born on Mars Thank You. Annoying. And she is 3 years old and they ask right in front of her like she doesn't know or hear what they are asking. Its just so rude and inconsiderate of her and my feelings. I get it more with her rather than Caden as you can imagine.
ReplyDeleteI would really honestly like us all to meet too. I feel like we would get along great and even more than that they kids would know someone with almost the same background and would have others to relate to. I often wonder if they will feel alone in their situations. Kayla and Caden at least have each other which eases my mind quite a bit about that, but Noey doesn't have that. And not only would she make one friend with a similar family history, she would have 2. And maybe a future husband in Caden? lol. Next time we are up in PA you guys and we need to meet. Maybe each drive half way and spend the day together or something. And you know that you never ever need an invite to our house when we move to NM. You will always be welcome into our home.
I agree that is the most frustrating part - that people act like our kids are deaf. THEY CAN HEAR YOU!!!!!!!! That's what I feel like screaming at people.
ReplyDeleteI'm thinking maybe you won't get it as much once you move from Guam -- but who knows! I, obviously get it alot, I even had someone ask me "is she from Haiti"? LOL! (I guess all adopted black children are from Haiti right?!)
Yes, it is sad for me that Noey has no brother or sister to relate too - maybe someday she will (right now I'm too nervous for #2).
YES we will make arrangements to meet! Meeting halfway sounds good....or a vacation....and of course you guys can visit us too, but who wants to visit boring buffalo lol!!!!