MY princess

Making a princess crown

I love my little princess. Today I took her to a "Prince & Princess" party with my sister, my friend Melissa & her two kids Skylar & Nate. There was a TON of cute little things for the kids to do! Noelani of course dressed as her favorite princess - Tiana. She has loved this movie since she was about 6 months old.

Here she is meeting the frog prince

All of the people dressed up there were awesome with the kids!! This guy said "Awe, aren't you the frog princess??? Can we take a picture together???" She was loving his frog puppet!

Her favorite thing was the balloon guy and the bounce house. She wasn't very patient for either one, but I guess I can't expect much patience from an excited 19 month old!!!! In fact, she picked out a flower to be made by the balloon artist. She saw other kids with the balloons and he asked what she wanted and she said "FWOWER"....too bad she bit the center of the balloon about 20 minutes later and popped it!

She was a little bit nervous of Cinderella and Belle - but her auntie (my sister Amanda) was awesome in showing her that they were very nice and she finally gave Cinderella a hug xoxo

I thought this was such an awesome event for the kids and everything was free! The only thing I saw a price tag on was dress up pictures. They were charging $5 for a 5x7 and would dress you up in a princess outfit. I'm not really sure if they made alot on that because all of the little girls were walking around in their princess outfits anyway!

Even the bounce house was free!!

I sometimes complain about being one of the last people in my group of friends to have kids. However, in times like this it's great lol! My friend and her kids that came are quite a bit older, and are wonderful with Noelani! My friends daughter Skylar helped Noey in the bouncehouse the whole time and made sure she didn't get trampled.

Doesn't every princess need pizza?

We finished off the Princess Party with some pizza. I can't believe how big my baby girl is getting - check her out using her fork like a big girl!!! She's also rocking her beautiful crown she made. All in all she was extremely well behaved and I think she had an AWESOME time!

The princess passed out

As we drove away from the mall, I saw her grab her "baby" and snuggle her on her shoulder and pass out. I'd say that means she had a fun afternoon - then we were off to see Nana at rehab.

I can't WAIT to take her to Disney for her 3rd birthday!!!!



Transfer Day!

Well, I tried to upload a video of Noelani doing her puzzle lastnight, but Blogger was taking FOREVER and it never worked. SO, I wasn't able to do that update. This post is a bit jumbled, sorry in advance!
Here is a picture of Noey in her car. This car is something Dada got for her - it lights up, plays music, and even has an ipod attachement. For weeks she loved this car. Antoine can remote control it for her, and when she gets older, there's a foot pedal for her to drive it. Suddenly, she has become terrified of it!! It is the weirdest thing. She never got hurt in it, nor did it ever "bump" into her or anything. Lately, when we are outside, if a car drives by, she is terrified and acts like it's going to jump the curb and run her over. Must just be a weird phase she's going through!!! She won't go near this car anymore! I've tried to show her the buttons and get her excited over the music - but it's not working. Ah well, maybe next summer she will love it again!



TODAY is the day that my mom goes to rehab!!! Amazing to think that just 3 days ago she had a 5 hour procedure done!

 I don't know if I'm just feeling sentimental or what because of her having this surgery done, but lastnight I couldn't sleep, thinking about all of the people in my life who never got to meet Noey or be a part of her life - it makes me very sad.
My dads friend Bob, he was a wonderful man. In fact, he used to always  tell me the story of when he and his wife adopted their daughter Alyssa. EVERY.SINGLE.TIME he told me the story he would cry. When I was going through infertility treatments, he used to tell me "Jenn you should just adopt, it was the greatest experience of my life" - then he would proceed to tell me about it and cry. Oh, how I wish he would have been here to see US experience it.
My dad also had another friend Loreen, and she actually died a few weeks before Noey came home. Before she died, she saw the website Antoine & I created for our adoption profile. She held my hand and told me - in the hospital, "Jenn, you and Antoine have WONDERFUL things ahead of you and I just know you are going to get a baby and you are a great friend and I just wanted to let you know you will be a wonderful mom". She knew she was dying. I wanted SO badly for her to be a part of it. In fact, the night of her memorial service, we left following it and drove to NYC to pick up our daughter - so maybe in a weird way she was part of it.
My mothers friend Kathy - whom I grew up calling Aunt Kathy, never got to meet her. She was the first person who took my sister and I to the "new" mall when it was built. SHE is the person who gave me my love for animals. SHE is the person who taught me how evil the circus is to animals - and the reason why Noelani won't go to one until she is old enough to decide for herself. I wish so badly she could have met Noelani as well. My aunt was a social worker, and I'm sure she would have helped us through the adoption process.
Lastly, my Aunt Diane. That was my Godmother. I miss her - SO.MUCH. She died unexpectedly. Never in a million years would I think that would happen to her. Of course, I didn't expect ANY of the above people to pass away. But, it is a strange feeling to know your Godmother has passed away. Her daughter and I had become very close the year prior to it happening, and I am thankful that our relationship bloomed to be able to help her through losing her mom. However, people change and grow apart - and my  cousin and I don't really speak anymore. THAT is another person I am sad that Noelani doesn't know. I am very sorry that my cousin and I don't speak and I wish that was different.
I guess I am thinking of all of these people even more the past few days, because I am ever so grateful that this dr helped my mom, and she has a long recovery ahead of her - but it is totally worth it because she gets to be even healthier in the end and continue to be an active part of Noelani's life.
I am ever so GRATEFUL for that.

Our first TWO year molar - five months early!!

This is a picture of my poor little pumpkin at 4 months old! You see all of that wetness around her neck? DROOL!!!! BUT, even worse, can you see the discoloration around her mouth? Her poor mouth looked like that for MONTHS. I felt like the worlds worst mom - but the pediatrician kept assuring us it was normal for her to lose pigmentation with how bad she was teething. She got her first tooth shortly after this picture was taken and they didn't stop coming in until her first birthday! By the time she was one, she had EVERY.SINGLE.TOOTH minus her 2 year molars!!!!

Tonight, she was down right cranky!!! She just wasn't herself, and her little cheeks looked rosey to me. I took her temp and it was completely normal! But, for the past few days she was playing with her ears. She always plays with them when she is sleepy, but it's been pretty bad yesterday and today. Something told me to stick my finger in her mouth, and low and behold....her bottom left 2 year molar was poking through - barely - but it's there! No wonder why the poor kiddo has been walking herself into her bed the past couple of nights, WANTING to go to sleep!

I just had to snap this one tonight. I know she may not feel well, but she was throwing the biggest temper tantrum because I told her we could color Nana a picture AFTER she took a bath and she wanted to do it N.O.W! This included some feet stomping and chucking her cup across the room. Well, she wasn't very happy when she had to sit in time out:

Sorry baby girl, I know your poor teeth hurt, but it's not okay to throw stuff - especially because you can hurt your little baby friends at "school" if you were to throw a tantrum there and throw a toy!! xoxo



Tell them how you REALLY feel.....

My mom just had her 2nd hip replacement. In fact, I'm sitting in the hospital right now as I type this. We are waiting to see her after she gets out of recovery, which won't be for at least another 2 hours.
My mom is my best friend in life. She has always been my #1 cheerleader for EVERYTHING and I wouldn't know what to do without her. Before she went into surgery she made my sister and I promise to not EVER forget we are best friends and please promise her to NEVER stop talking to one another no matter what fight we have.

Myself, Mom & Sister at my baby shower

We.never.will. She doesn't need to tell us that - but I know how terrifying anesthesia is. I hope that I can help her as much this time as I did last time she had this done! Now that I have a toddler, it's going to be a bit harder to be at the hospital and nursing facility as often, but I know how strong she is and she is going to be back to 100% in no time!!!!
I am SO glad she decided to do this. For Noelani's 3rd birthday we want to do something VERY special - and it will require her to do alot of walking around amusement parks - so I am VERY glad to be able to look forward to this with her!
Don't ever underestimate your friendships you should have with your family! If there is a problem you are having as a family, try your best to work it out. You don't ever want to think someday "what if I would have just apologized this one last time or told this person how much I loved them?". Don't ever let stupid little spats and disagreements make you live with regrets.
ALWAYS tell people you love how you feel. There is not a single day that goes by that when I drop Noelani off at daycare that I don't say "I.LOVE.YOU"....You never know if you will get a chance to say it again.

Amusement Park Fun

Yesterday, we took Noelani to her first Amusement Park. She had a BLAST!! I wasn't sure how she would do, because at Easter time she went on a carousel and was totally scared by it. Yesterday, this is the same ride she chose to go on first - and she was all smiles saying "weeeeeee" the whole time.

We went as a family, along with Antoines Aunt & Cousin and his Mother & sister. Noelani's aunt is 10 yrs old and her cousin is 14. Noey thought she was such a big girl and hung out with them all day. Of course, the girls had a ball with "baby" Noey and taking care of her all day.

In the above video, she is in the cart with the girl in the orange shirt (Ashley) - as you can see, she didn't have a single tear! She's a daredevil!!!!

The only time Noey cried is when she tried going on a ride by herself. She was ok, but then she spotted me and started crying. After that, we didn't attempt putting her on anything else by herself. After going on all of the rides, we hit up the waterpark there. Of course Noey had a ball!!! Any time this child is by some water, she is in heaven!! All in all, it was an awesome day. We had alot of fun, and were all very sleepy by the time we got home. Noey went to bed at 7:30 - but of course got up this morning, no later than 6am - yeah this little girl does NOT sleep in!!.....YAWN.....hopefully I can get a nap in today!

Before we went, I prepared myself and went with my mom and sister for a mani/pedi!!! I think I need another one now haha!!! My mom is having hip replacement surgery on Tuesday so she wanted to have one done before then......it was a nice time with my mom and sister - I'm a VERY lucky girl to have such a close relationship with them both!!! <3

Love/Hate relationship

I've said before, Noelani and Jazmin have a love/hate relationship! My guess is, if they both could chill out a little  bit, they would be best friends.

Yesterday, Jazmin had to go to the vet because she was itching her neck open (for the 2nd time in 2 months). She apparently is a delicate flower and has allergies - only I would have a dog with allergies - c'mon!!

When we were there, Noey thought it was the most hysterical moment when they were clipping Jazmins nails. EVERY single clip made her laugh into hysterics. I don't know what was soooo funny to her, but it sure made us laugh!!

Alot of the times, I catch Noelani telling Jazmin "Sit Down" in the back seat of the truck. (I guess I must tell Jazmin that too much LOL!) Jazmin typically responds by growling or running away with the hair down the middle of her back standing straight up! The two of them battle over who gets to sit with me like siblings. If Jazmin is sitting in my lap, Noey will push her and say "GO". If Noey is in my lap, Jazmin will scoot her way next to me.

Tonight - the cutest thing happened. Noelani is really into giving "high fives" - she will say to any stranger she meets "high pives high pives" pives = fives. If they don't respond to that she will say "pound" (meaning she wants to pound fists - guess who taught her that one - not mama!!). So tonight she ran up to Dada requesting a high pive....then to myself....then she runs after Jazmin yelling "high pives high pives" with her hand out. Poor baby doesn't understand - but it was super cute watching her run after her little enemy asking for a high five.

Tomorrow we will be going to Noelani's FIRST amusement park.....this should be interesting!!

How can we change if all we do is blame each other??

I decided on the above picture because I feel that it speaks a million words. 30 years ago, you would rarely, if ever, see that beautiful baby girl in the middle. You wouldn't see a black and white family smiling, sharing in the same joy at the same time. YES, I am a black mother...I am a woman who will fight for my daughter as much as the next woman would fight for any of her daughters. I am a transracial mother who is fighting for her daughter to be accepted in every step of this world she may take. I will NOT pretend that I am going to be able to teach her everything a mother of her same race could, but I will try my best - and her Dada will help her every step of the way!! Even if my daughter has alot of cards stacked up against her, I will teach her to be accepting of each and every single person she meets.

I remember growing up and watching the Oprah show. She used to have shows more like what you would see today as a "Maury Povich" type show. Feuding families that hated one another for whatever reason. The shows that really struck a cord in me however, were the parents who had disowned their own children for dating someone of another race. Particularly, I would see shows of white young ladies dating black men. I think maybe this stood out because those were of course the two prominent races that I was exposed to as a child.

I remember watching these shows and thinking "How in the WORLD could a mother disown her child?!!?" It just didn't make sense to me. Now, I look back and realize - I had that mentality because of my parents. They  made a conscious decision to raise us in the city and send us to city schools in order to be exposed to others of ALL races. This was not a popular decision that was always supported by their families - but it was the right decision. I will never be more grateful for a life changing decision than my parents exposing me to the beautiful world of seeing everyone as different, yet special in their own right.



You see, I still all too often hear and see people saying "racist" comments that they don't realize - or don't think is wrong. Me writing this tonight was set off by some comments someone on my "friends" list on facebook said. I cannot tolerate when people see an article and automatically "blame" a race because a "white person" or a "hispanic person" or a "black person" commited some horrible crime. We have crazies in EVERY race - even if a person was purple.
People - we must move past this dumb nonsense. The same people who post these negative remarks, are the same people who make this world impossible to move forward. Things have changed a bit in the 10 years Antoine & I have been together - but not completely. I wish everyone could have the mentality of a child when it comes to viewing different races. I will never forget when Ashley (Antoines sister) introduced me to her classmates as her sister (she was 5 at the time and in kindergarden-she is 20 years younger than myself). Her classmates said "Ashley, how is she your sister if she is white and you are black?!".....she responded "uhmmmm I don't know - she's just my sister". Her classmates shrugged their shoulders and continued to play. Yes, they noticed the difference - but they didn't judge....they didn't point out any reasons why I SHOULDNT be Ashleys sister....just that they didn't understand. I had a child ask me how I could be Noeys mom if I was white and she was black. A simple answer of "every family is made different" satisifed that child.
As adults, we are too wrapped up in what people think of us, what we have been taught, what society will think of us. If you want to love someone of another race - why judge someone before you get a chance to know them? Why write a race off because of something stupid someone has done that you read about? Why not just give them a chance......realize that at the end of the day, we all bleed the same color.

Please slow down....

Dear Baby Girl,

Tonight I was watching videos of you on the computer. Just a year ago, you were learning how to crawl!!! It's hard to believe that a year has gone by since you learned how to crawl and now you are running all around. I prayed and wished for you so hard for so many years....and now time is flying by so fast.

You are so independent these days. You try to put your socks and shoes on all by yourself. You want to "comb" your hair all alone & at night after bath you rub your lotion on. You always remind me you take TWO vitamins and you have to brush your teeth all alone. Two nights ago I asked you if you were ready for "night night" and you grabbed your blanket and walked yourself right into bed - it made me a little sad to see what a big girl you are now!!! I am so proud of you that you can do these things, but I want to be able to snuggle you FOREVER!!!

As you get older, I hope you never forget that you will never be too old for me to snuggle you. I hope you always know that you can talk to me no matter what.

Yesterday was my birthday, and I was so happy to enjoy the evening with you and Dada. We went out to dinner and then we went to the mall. I wish I could be with you every moment of the day - but you have amazing people who love you! Your Auntie Amanda brought you to work to see me. You brought me a cute little card and a picture of a doggie you colored for me. It is hanging up on my desk and I am so proud of the little woman you are becoming!

You truly are an incredibly happy little girl....you have been since day 1! You are so loving and rarely ever complain about anything. Please my lovey, don't let the world change you. Don't let peoples ignorance make you jaded. Always stand up for what you believe in - even if it isn't what everyone else believes is the "popular" thing to think. I hope I can raise you with the confidence of this. There will be times where people will say mean things - but just know that words CANNOT change the amazing person you are inside. There will be many experiences in life that test your faith in God and even the person who you know you are - but always remember that the most important people in your life - your family - love you for who you are!

Turning Thirty - Thank you my little ANGEL

Well - tomorrow I turn 30. I am highly depressed. It seems so "grown up". Blah - I don't want to be a real grown up. Well as much as I don't want to turn 30 - I can say the last year and a half of my life has been the absolute best years of my life! It is all because of my little miracle, Noelani.

*This is my baby girl looking into my eyes the first day I was her Mama*

Noelani's name means "A beautiful gift/mist from heaven". We picked her name out with great meaning behind it. I never understood when I was going through my infertility battles why I was being punished. I used to always tell everyone "what did I do to deserve this!!!!!" I felt like God was punishing me because I wanted a baby sooooo bad so I must have really done something to piss God off. One day, a light bulb went off after talking with some newly introduced friends. I wasn't being punished, I was being prepared for something greater!!! I always cried and said "I never wanted babies after I was 30" - I wanted 2 kids by 25. Antoine and I had known each other since we were 19 so it wouldn't have been far fetched to think I'd have kids by 25. Well, that just wasn't meant for us. And oh my goodness how I am EVER so thankful it wasn't meant for us to have babies the natural way. Look at the blessing we received!!!!!!
It was almost exactly 3 months after we were approved for adoption that Noelani entered our home. People wait YEARS, and we only waited 3 months! This little girl was meant to be our daughter. Noelani was born EXACTLY  9 months after my invitro fertilization failed. She was born right before our home study was approved - and as a freaky fun fact - the exact day I was working on our profile and uploading pictures online - Noelani was born. We happened to name her almost EXACTLY the same name as one of her sisters that was born a year earlier (we didn't realize this until recently - and their names literally differ by 2 letters).
So - to say my last while in my 20s was the best of my life is probably an understatement. I got what I wanted - to be a mom! And not just a mom....a mom to the BEST little girl in the world.
Thank you Noelani Ailynn  -  for blessing our lives in more ways than you will ever imagine. I love you more than words can ever explain. I hope you never ever forget that and always realize how much I love you.

I love you baby girl!!! Thanks for giving me the best year and a half of my life so far xoxoxo!!!!!

The surprise that isn't....

Well here was the surprise/secret I spoke about....

It may not look like much, and YES our plan was to landscape it next spring...

This is a picture that was taken this morning. This was supposed to be our new home. It was perfect for us. Four bedrooms, 2 full baths, almost 2000 square feet (the above picture is only a portion of the house). A HUGE backyard, the 2nd last house on a dead end street and  in the school system we wanted.

This was supposed to be our backyard

Sigh. WELL....we paid nearly $500 for an inspection and radon test to be done today. The sellers accepted our offer and we agreed to pay $5000 more than what we originally wanted to - because we loved the house. All went well with the inspection and there were a couple things (new windows and a new shower stall) that needed to be done. I was ready to tell the world we were moving....as soon as the radon test was completed this tuesday - on my 30th birthday. Then tonight, I got a phone call from our agent.

When we went for the inspection today, our agent left our contract on their table. Apparently they claimed they couldn't read Antoines signature through the fax, so they wanted a hard copy to sign. We had no reason to doubt this. Our agent is excellent and sold many people we know houses, including my sister. Our agent rolled her eyes and said "i'm telling you, these people have been so difficult to deal with". At any rate, we just shrugged our shoulders and finished hearing what the inspector had to say.

Tonight, when my phone rang, I was sure it was our agent, calling to make sure we were going ahead with the house since we knew it needed these things done (windows and shower). She said no, she couldn't believe it and was soooo sorry. But, the sellers got another offer that was higher and either we could counter back with more money, or they were taking that offer. We already knew we were walking into there spending money on windows, bathroom, siding, deck etc.

We had already gone up an extra $5k from what we wanted to. So, that was it. Our house was gone. Apparently now we know why they never signed the contract. All so they could wait to see if another offer was coming in. Story of my life! Guess it wasn't meant to be....but I'm ticked off we spent all that money. UGH!!

I wonder what she will become...

*Noey at 3 weeks old - her eyes have always been the story of her heart*

Ever look at your child and dream of what they will be? Who they will become? Who will inspire them? How they will feel as they get older?
Now...have you ever had to look at your child and wonder: Who will she look like? Will she feel accepted? Will she feel resentful? Have you done everything you know you can in your power to foster every relationship you know she may want to have someday?
These are the questions I ask myself every.single.day. I want Noelani to grow up with a sense of who she is....not the sense of who SOCIETY views her as being. I want her to be a proud.intelligent.strong.beautiful black woman when she gets older. Can I foster that and teach her that? Can I teach her to be as proud as she can be? Or will she feel betrayed or a sense of "not knowing who she is"?

*I have barely shared this very special photo with anyone but felt this was an appropriate post to do so*

The week that we found out we would become Noelanis parents, we were called by the agency and asked "Do you want to come get your daughter Friday??" I will never forget this for as LONG as I live. I was at work. There was only one co-worker with me that day and I was hysterically shaking and couldn't stop crying. To say I was the happiest girl alive at that moment is an understatement. Not a moment later did the social worker say to be "BUT, we are wondering if you would mind your daughters birthparents calling you?"....not.at.all
You see, I had been a big fan of The R House for a while and she always encouraged open adoptions. I had seen what a wonderful thing it was and so it was our full intention to harvest such a relationship with our childs birthparents.
With that being said, they were supposed to call us that night. It never happened. Fast forward to the day of placement, and we were told that we would hear from them at 2pm. I have never guarded my phone SO closely. I had just been given the gift that words cannot explain: becoming a mother. How do you begin to thank someone for that??? I wanted so badly to make this relationship work for Noelanis sake. She deserved me to build this relationship....and I could never do anything  to ruin it. I sat by that phone on our car ride to the hotel....and hours after we arrived at the hotel. Hours I checked my phone. I don't even know if my family realized it because they were soooo wrapped up in this beautiful little girl we all just met. But, I knew I had to get that phone if it rang.
Well - days went by and we never heard a thing. I began to think that maybe they didn't want to hear from us. Maybe it was just too painful?
Then one day in August my phone rang. It was a restricted number. A woman on the other end of the phone asked for me. I won't go into details but this "woman" asked a bunch of personal questions and pretended to be someone interested in making an adoption plan for their baby. I listened to every word she said, and by the end of the phone conversation it dawned on me. It was her. That was Noelani's birth mother. No doubt in my mind. By then, our 800 number had been disconnected and nobody knew in detail the questions she could have asked about the adoption process. I never asked her name. I don't know if it was because I knew in my heart who it was...or maybe I was afraid to break this relationship I had wanted to have so bad for my daughter. If I asked - would she ever call again - would she ever admit who she was?! So we ended the conversation and she hung up, thinking that I believed she was a "mysterious" woman with a baby that needed to be placed.
That same week, I had mailed out the first "package" to her birthparents. Filled with letters, pictures, and a set of handprints/footprints.
We never got a response.
However, we moved before Christmas. I decided I wanted to send her birthmother something special for Christmas. Noelani made a footprint reindeer for her, and I sent a ton of pictures along with this necklace:

It was meant to remind her everyday that WE all love her. We still got no response. Once again, I sent another letter after Easter. This letter had over 100 pictures in it. We asked some questions, hoping to get more answers for our daughter about who she is and where she came from.

We agreed to a open or semi open adoption. Meaning, letters and pictures twice a year and always allowing them access to our phone, address and email addresses. However, we have yet to hear from them.

It breaks my heart that I have tried so desparately to build this relationship with them. In fact, I have her birthmothers phone #. Shortly after we moved before Christmas, the agency emailed me updated address information for her. I think they accidentally put her phone # in there as well. I would never break that privacy though. It just isn't my place - and again I don't want her to NOT trust me.

The hard part? Noelani has 3 siblings. One of whom is only a year older than her. She has sisters who she may never know or meet. Nobody in the family has ever known about her to my knowledge. Apparently nobody even knew her birthmother was pregnant.

SO - how do I make this relationship work? What will I tell my baby girl when she asks me what she will look like when she gets older? How will I tell her that I've tried SO very hard to make this relationship build and work....but apparently I must not be trying hard enough!!!!

I want to make it work so bad and it's the biggest failure I think I've had as being her mom. I don't believe for a SECOND that her birthparents don't think about her. But I hope that someday they can respond so she can hear from them who she will look like when she gets older......

**Chunky girl at 7 days old**

Something really exciting on the horizon....BUT for now...

We have something exciting to share....SHORTLY. (And don't ask me if i'm pregnant cause the answer is NO). Apparently every time a woman has something to share - that's what people ask. Ok my rant is over.

This is going to be a very exciting time for us, but it's also going to be some hard work on our part over the next few months. I will let everyone know what it is within the next week or so once everything is 100% a go ahead. Noelani is really good with change....and hopefully this change will go smoothly too. It is definitely something we are doing for HER.

Yesterday we took Noelani to the fair. We took her last year, but she really had no concept of what was going on. This year she had a BLAST. She got to eat her first fair corndog....AND fried dough. She was really impressed by the rides. Everytime she would see a ride start she would throw her hands in the air and scream "WEEEEEEEE" (even though she's never been on a ride before!!!). Her auntie and uncle tried to win her a goldfish - much to my dismay. But, sadly (hear the sarcasm??) she did not win one. I'm really glad however that my sister and brother in law talked Antoine & I into getting a caricature of Noey done. It turned out so cute and will be a great memory for years to come.

Her favorite show in the world right now is "Yo Gabba Gabba" - in fact, she has VIP passes in October for the show and meet & greet. As we were walking through the fair she spotted a "Brobee" (one of the characters) backpack and pointed at it saying "Hiiiiii Brobee". Could I resist that?? No - of course not so I got suckered into buying it for her. But, I think she pretty much has it figured out anyway that she is pretty cute and way overly loved and gets just about anything she wants :)

Something new she has begun to do is say her name. If you ask her "what's your name?" She will say "meeee" and point to herself. But, if I ask her to repeat her name she will tell you "No-A-Non-E" (Translation: Noelani). My little girl is getting SO big. Also, right now, her Chihuahua Jazmin is sick. They pretty much have a love/hate relationship and they must be in the "love" phase right now. Jazmin has unfortunately been confined to her cage since she is sick....but every single time I turn around, Noelani is letting her out! She will paw at the cage and Noelani will walk over and unhook it and Jazmin somehow escapes.

I would like to write down some feelings I have about our adoption experience and Noelani's birth parents. I think that should however be it's own post so I will wait until next time to post that. It is a very difficult emotion to express and will be very difficult I believe for Noelani - but I hope to give everyone a different perspective on it all. My dear friend Michelle (who also has 2 adopted children) blogged recently about her relationship with her daughters birthfather & it LITERALLY brought tears to my eyes. It is what I hope for so deeply........It is very funny how the world works and how people come into our lives! Though her and I have only "met" online, I feel a deep connection to her as someone who has also gone through infertility and adoption. She watched me ride this "infertility/adoption rollercoaster" and I am so glad I met her because she ALWAYS had encouraging words for me. Someday I hope to meet her and her gorgeous  kiddos!

SO....next time I will be blogging about just that - where our relationship is with Noelani's birthparents and where I hope it to be.

My Smart Girl....

Those who Noelani, know she had a frenectomy back in March of 2010. If you don't know what that is, basically, if you look under your tongue, you will see a "string" of skin that connects the bottom of your mouth to your tongue. When Noelani was born, her skin was attached completely to the tip of her tongue. She was able to suck a pacifier and bottle, so she never had the surgery to release this "tongue-tie" right away. As time went on and her first birthday passed, we started to notice she couldn't use some of her sippy cups properly. The biggest thing we noticed is that her speech really had not taken off the way we thought it should. The only sound she could make was "ti ti ti ti" and her tongue could not pass over her teeth.
Needless to say, we decided to have this fixed. I think it was the BEST decision so far we have made as parents!!! I would say almost 3 days later, she was already making all new kinds of sounds we had never heard! We were advised to have early intervention evaluate her to see how she evaluated for speech. Once that evaluation was done (she was 14 months old) - she was right on target. We don't know yet if she will have speech issues or not...but so far she is really a chatter box!!!!!
I wanted to use this post just to share that she knows her ABC's and LOVES her flashcards that we do each night. She can get through ALL of them and repeat almost every single picture you tell her now. Of course, when I take the camera out she gets shy, so this is the best I could get:

Here are some words/things she says now:
Mommy
Dada
Papa
Nana
Riley (Nana & Papa's dog)
Lawry (this is how she says her uncle larrys name)
Ol-ver (my friends dog oliver)
Up (quite frequently it's Up Pwease)
Pwease (Please)
More
Eyes
Eat
Drink
Milk
Juice
"Was dat?" (Whats that?)
"I see you"
Duck
Baby
Alright
Apple
Doggy
Pool
Hungry
Home
Help
Sit.down (which she seems to always tell the dog - wonder where she gets that one - haha)
No
Teeth
Cheese
Queeeeze (squeeze when she runs up to hug you)
**Edited to ADD the following**:
Auntie
Hi
Hello
Bye Bye
Alright
Pound (dada taught her how to "pound" with her fist lol)
O-Phie (Sophie - my sisters dog)
Alty (One of our cats Salty)



*There's SO many I am sure I'm missing some!!!* She NON stop chatters all day!!

She can count to 5 on her own....up to 7 if I help her. She is CONSTANTLY counting around the house. Counting things in her books...counting as she walks up and down the stairs.
She can do ALL of her ABC's....she does need to repeat us, however she can always tell you what comes next (if we say "A" she says "B"....we say "C" she says "D" and so on). It is really cute because she thinks "C" is "C's" (I suppose I understand that since we DO say ABC's in her defense LOL). And when we get to "I" she always says "EYES" and points to her eyes.
She knows how to point to the following body parts:
Chin
Feet
Head
Eyes
Ears
Nose
Mouth

She knows almost all of the following animal sounds:
Cow
Cat
Dog
Lion
Bear
Horse
Elephant
Alligator (she snaps her hands closed)
Bird
Duck

Well - I think thats all for now...I wanted to make sure I kept track of as much as I can! And I can't forget my lovey girls best thing she does which is when she says "MOMMY" and I ask her..."What baby?" and she goes "MMMMMMMMMMWA!" and puckers up for a kiss.
My oh my how I love my little girl!!!!

First Funeral....A good experience??

So, I figured today was as good as any to create a blog. I've contemplated doing this from time to time...but just now really decided to invest the time into figuring this out! My initial reason for doing this is so that I can document every moment of my daughters life so someday she can read this. I figured today was in a way, a "first" for her, so I should document it.
Today, Noelani attended her first funeral. This was something that Antoine and I kind of debated about. It is an interesting thing sometimes being in an inter-racial relationship. The cultural differences we have are apparent at many family gatherings. Today was no exception. Her Dada really wanted her to come (since in his family this is what everyone does - all kids, no matter the age attend funerals). I was however, VERY reluctant to have her come. First off, I was raised in a Catholic family where this would NEVER be acceptable to bring a child to something like this. I could just picture her SCREAMING or RUNNING up and down the church aisles!
In my family, we always have a wake at a funeral home, and then go to the church for a funeral. In HIS family, the wake is always AT the church, for about an hour, before the actual funeral service.
It was my fear that Noelani would see the open casket and this is not something I wanted her to remember. Taking ALL things into consideration, we decided to compromise.
We decided it would be good to bring her to the funeral, but we would not be attending the wake. We would stay in the back of the church and if need be, leave or go outside with her.
To my surprise....she did really well! Of course she's an 18 month old toddler, so she got a bit antsy at times....but for her to sit for an hour she did really good. Her and I stayed in the back of the church while Antoine sat with his family. She enjoyed the gospel music and had no real understanding of the situation, however, it was good she was able to attend in the end.
One side note though - as the preacher finished his sermon, he said PRAISE GOD....so what did little miss chatter box need to mimic back? Yeah - she shouted in her little baby voice as best as she could.... "praise.god". Who knows?.....Maybe she had a better understanding than I realized......