So now what....

So where do we go from here? I was very heartbroken and sad writing my last 2 posts. I still am. That feeling hasn't gone away. I'm not entirely sure if I was fair in saying that their birth mom doesn't care. That's probably very harsh. If she didn't care, she wouldn't have given birth to them. So I think I was really coming from a place of anger in that post.
I am still heartbroken though. I KNOW, there are lots of people going through way worse things that myself, or our family right now. But, it just hurts so damn bad.
The truth is, that no matter what I find out good or bad, I love my girls more than life itself. If I had the capability to have 8 kids I would. I still want to adopt more children in the future and this experience will not stop me or make me see adoption from a bad light.
Adoption is beautiful. It made me a mother. Regardless of the lies their birthmom gave the agency, I still love these girls the same, if not even more. I've talked to a few people about it all and they assure me that the girls will not resent me for everything that happened. That they won't hate me for "taking them away" from their siblings. I can't predict the future.
BUT LET ME SAY:
Adoption is not for the faint of heart!!!!!!!!!!
For 6 years, our family pictured one person and fed this image and idea of this person to our daughters. But, in 6 years, this person has not changed her situation. She still hasn't made an attempt to better her life. No house, stable job, and just not doing the best for her children in my opinion. My youngest has been diagnosed with SPD, OCD, Anxiety, and possibly ADHD. Is this a result of no prenatal care? Drug use? Or is it just something that happened for no reason? I will never know. Their birth mother received no prenatal care because she "didn't want to be bothered with doctors". We knew this when we adopted our daughters. But, we were also told there was no drug use involved. She had admitted to 1 or 2 glasses of wine and cigarettes while pregnant. After discovering her lifestyle on facebook and conversations, I'm not going to lie - I'm not sure I believe that we got the entire story.
When I spoke with her on the phone, she wanted me to add her on facebook because "i'm her family now". She insisted I took her phone number to stay in contact. She expressed how badly her family and kids supposedly wanted to meet my girls, but where is she now? I have a feeling this untruthfulness is a trend with her. She lied about my oldests birthfather on the paperwork. She told me this on the phone and gave me only a first name of her real bio father. Someday when my daughter might want to seek him out, she won't be able to even find him through paperwork. My youngest daughter, she never name a birthfather. But, she was able to provide me a picture of him in the one text she sent me before disappearing. And let me tell you, based on photos, she knows exactly who each of the girls birthfathers are because they look JUST LIKE THEM. I have mixed feelings about the pictures. My girls will see who they will look like, but it's not fair to have that and no names in my opinion. It almost seems cruel.
As a family all we can do is move past this somehow. It is going to take time. I hope that it helps since the weather is nicer now, we can get outside and get our minds off of alot of this.
Hopefully we will be given the opportunity to adopt again in the future. That's the hope I've been holding onto for my girls and their broken hearts. They were so so excited to have another baby around.
I still think the ideal situation for any adoption would be an open adoption. No where in between in my opinion. In a semi open adoption, you send pictures and letters, with the hope that a birthmother will someday respond, you include phone numbers and wait. In a closed adoption, you either send and do nothing, or share pictures with the agency. While this isn't ideal, I think you enter an adoption knowing what to expect. You know the birthparents won't want to respond, and thats ok too. I wish for open adoption because the birthparents will be able to watch the children they gave birth to grow up. It can be as simple as letters and emails back and forth....or as deep as skype, visits, phone calls, etc. In my opinion I think this would give a child the greatest sense of closure. They will grow up knowing this person who is biologically related to them. No wonder, but knowing they were given a chance at a family with 2 parents and a loving home.