I cannot post much on here or give out too many details. But, I am feeling very torn right now. I wish I knew what the right answer was! Go with my heart or mind? My mind is telling me one thing and heart another. This is in regards to another adoption and that is all I can really say at this moment. I will post more at a later date!
But for now, I know I've been missing on this blog - but I don't like to have to "censor" everything. I feel like if I blog, I am censoring a big chunk of our lives at this moment....
So I shall return and once I do, I can fill everyone in.
Monday, May 7, 2012
Wednesday, April 25, 2012
WAITING...
I really really stink at waiting. I hate EVERYTHING that there is about it. I am a very in control type of person. I want things MY way and want them like...yesterday.
Anyway, I found out some sad news today. The director that we worked with at my daughters adoption agency is no longer working there. I guess it's saddening to me, because I really am forever grateful to her. Grateful that she gave me a chance, read my email I sent with a hope and a prayer, and grateful that a week after I first emailed them, I was learning that my daughter would be coming home with us.
Anyway, I found out some sad news today. The director that we worked with at my daughters adoption agency is no longer working there. I guess it's saddening to me, because I really am forever grateful to her. Grateful that she gave me a chance, read my email I sent with a hope and a prayer, and grateful that a week after I first emailed them, I was learning that my daughter would be coming home with us.
WELL....here goes waiting.....
Thursday, April 12, 2012
Negativity is something I'm working on....
I mostly blog about my beautiful daughter here. But, since it's my blog, I figure I can use it to vent anything.
People may look at me and think, gee, she has a great life. A nice house, a daughter, husband, all that she wants. But let me tell you - it has NOT always been this way! I have worked my BUTT off to get where I am - I should say where WE are as a family.
When I first moved out at 21 yrs old, I had NOTHING but my clothes! In fact, Antoine & I had a futon in our living room, with a desk we found, and his full size bed we squeezed into for our bedroom. We had ONE small dresser, enough to hold his socks, and a bathroom set from Family Dollar. Our dishes were from a garage sale. Our kitchen table was one that the leg continuously came loose, and we had an area rug I got for $5 at another garage sale!
I remember being SO excited that we had enough money to purchase a new kitchen table from Kmart! We had it on layaway and finally had something "new"! Eventually I had enough money for a new desk from Walmart. We FINALLY got a couch from the side of the road...someone put it out for garbage with a "free" sign attached! A year or so later, Antoines family member had an old sectional couch and we took that. Our tv came from garbage picking as well....it was blurry but it was the best thing we could manage - and I bought a tv stand from walmart. We eventually had enough money for a microwave and some glasses and new silverware from Ikea.
Antoine didn't have a car, and I drove a beat up car that was $700 and worked daily on a prayer. BUT I tell you what....this was 9 years ago. I could go on and on about how we struggled. BUT it was my choice to move out and be "independent" so I sure as heck wasn't going to ask for help!
Eventually, we received a monetary gift of $400 and instead of spending it on something frivolous, we put it towards a bed....and when I say bed, I mean a mattress and box spring. When we finally got more money, from a tax return, we bought a couch and FINALLY bedroom furniture. We only got a new computer because the apartment above us sprung a leak and our computer got soaked. Our landlord reimbursed us so we put it towards a new desktop. Ashley (Antoines sister) began staying with us ALOT...and needed her own room. I got a toddler bed at a garage sale (see the theme?) and my aunt gave us a dresser for her. Eventually that toddler bed was turned into a twin bed when our neighbor upstairs moved back to her hometown and was going to throw it away.
I was finally able to land a GOOD job after college, and Antoine got a well paying job doing cable. We finally could afford a couch....and a washer and dryer that was not the "community" set in the apt basement.
Antoine sacrificed, and so did I. We took a handful of vacations and those were NOT grand by any means. For Antoines birthday/Christmas one year (he has 3 days between the two), I purchased him a fish tank. He had wanted one soooo bad. I saved that year to buy the tank and supplies. I had a friend make him the tank stand.
We saved money shopping at Save-A-Lot and Aldis for groceries. We only had a house phone (no fancy cells). Once we eventually had everything in place....we decided we would try to start a family. Once again, we were faced with struggles.
As many of you know, we were doing infertility treatments for a long time. That is a BIG stress on finances. eventually we turned to In Vitro, which our health insurance odes not cover (we are talking $10,000+) here. We opted to try, as we were getting 'older' and didn't want to ever think 'what if'....thank GOD it didn't work and I am the Momma to the best little girl now ;)
After that failed, we started looking into purchasing a home. As reality set in, I knew I wanted to be a mom. Would I EVER have that if I put all of our money towards adoption? It was at that moment we knew we needed at least $20k to set aside for that.
We put our dreams of home ownership to the side.
If you have a dream, the only way you can make it happen is put a plan in motion. Don't sit around and bitch about how your life sucks. MAKE IT DIFFERENT.
We saved every penny, borrowed, and busted our ASSES. Three months after we contacted a lawyer about the possibility of adoption, our daughter was HOME. In the adoption world, that is almost unheard of.
7 months after she came home, I was working part time, and our landlord advised us we had a month to move. He sold our house!!!!!!!!! I cried...I was so mad. How could he ruin our lives that we built for the past 6.5 years in this apt. It still hurts me to this day. BUT I knew what I had to do. I would not allow my life to rewind.
I took money from my 401k to afford our move to a new apartment, and within a month we were gone. I returned back to work full time a month later. I would let NOBODY make me struggle the way I once did. I wanted my daughter to have a great childhood. YES, time with my daughter is important. BUT, my daughter NEVER leaves my sight when I am home. I actually would beg to differ with some SAHM's...I tend to think sometimes I spend more one on one time with my daughter than they do! I never "Take a break" from parenting. I work 37 hrs a week, and in fact, my daughter never went to daycare full time until this Jan. Starting this week, she will be back at daycare 3 days a week again. Antoine is starting a new job and it offers her to spend more time during the week at home.
I REFUSE to struggle how we once did. I VOW to give her a better life....and yes do I wish I could be home with her a few more days a week? OF COURSE. But my daughter is probably the HAPPIEST 2 year old you will ever meet.
It is tiring - I will not lie. When I work a 7-7.5 hour day, come home and MAKE dinner, do my dishes, laundry, cleaning, entertaining (For my 2 year old) - I cannot wait until bedtime. BUT....18 years will go fast, and my life won't always be this tiring once she is an adult! While SAHM's are tired from the errands, etc...I have that job COMPILED with working a full work week. DOUBLE your job...and that is my life. 2 full time jobs. Don't think cause I'm at work, that I didn't get up an hour early to make my daughter breakfast, do her hair, clothe her, rush out the door, take her to daycare, pry her off of me if she is still tired or crabby that morning. I worry all day - not because I don't trust her teachers, but because i'm her MOM. I text my friend all day long that watches her. I have the luckiest situation in the world. A friend I've known since I was 9 has an in home daycare Noey attends. THEY are like Noelani's family to her, and that gives me comfort.When I come to get her, sometimes she is misreable from just waking up from a nap. Sometimes she doesn't want to leave and wants to keep playing and I have interupted that!!!! Then we have to do whatever errands SAHM's accomplish during the day, and then we get home to do dinner, toys, baths, hair, picking out clothes, etc...the list goes on!!
On another note....I cherish friendships. I have a handful of friends. AND I will keep it that way. My FRIENDS stood by me through infertility.....through my struggles....they are always HAPPY for me. And most of all, they care that I am always open and honest with them on my opinions. I no longer have time to make others happy (besides my own family).
I have "Been there and done that" - I have STRUGGLED....BUT we learned to make our lives better. I don't want people who drag me down, or think that my opinions are worthless. To you SAHM's who bust your asses everyday -PROPS to you!! I know some GOOD...no, GREAT SAHM's who constantly do stuff with their kids, keep the house clean, AND never bitch about it! My hat is off to you too. BUT....this is my life....this is what I choose....and YES i'm tired.....but I always keep my friends in mind too. I have one friend out of state that understands I may not be able to call her EVERYDAY....but I almost always make time for her...and I value each and every opinion. I may not agree....but I value it and will talk about it with her.
YES - I am feeling crabby!
People may look at me and think, gee, she has a great life. A nice house, a daughter, husband, all that she wants. But let me tell you - it has NOT always been this way! I have worked my BUTT off to get where I am - I should say where WE are as a family.
When I first moved out at 21 yrs old, I had NOTHING but my clothes! In fact, Antoine & I had a futon in our living room, with a desk we found, and his full size bed we squeezed into for our bedroom. We had ONE small dresser, enough to hold his socks, and a bathroom set from Family Dollar. Our dishes were from a garage sale. Our kitchen table was one that the leg continuously came loose, and we had an area rug I got for $5 at another garage sale!
I remember being SO excited that we had enough money to purchase a new kitchen table from Kmart! We had it on layaway and finally had something "new"! Eventually I had enough money for a new desk from Walmart. We FINALLY got a couch from the side of the road...someone put it out for garbage with a "free" sign attached! A year or so later, Antoines family member had an old sectional couch and we took that. Our tv came from garbage picking as well....it was blurry but it was the best thing we could manage - and I bought a tv stand from walmart. We eventually had enough money for a microwave and some glasses and new silverware from Ikea.
Antoine didn't have a car, and I drove a beat up car that was $700 and worked daily on a prayer. BUT I tell you what....this was 9 years ago. I could go on and on about how we struggled. BUT it was my choice to move out and be "independent" so I sure as heck wasn't going to ask for help!
Eventually, we received a monetary gift of $400 and instead of spending it on something frivolous, we put it towards a bed....and when I say bed, I mean a mattress and box spring. When we finally got more money, from a tax return, we bought a couch and FINALLY bedroom furniture. We only got a new computer because the apartment above us sprung a leak and our computer got soaked. Our landlord reimbursed us so we put it towards a new desktop. Ashley (Antoines sister) began staying with us ALOT...and needed her own room. I got a toddler bed at a garage sale (see the theme?) and my aunt gave us a dresser for her. Eventually that toddler bed was turned into a twin bed when our neighbor upstairs moved back to her hometown and was going to throw it away.
I was finally able to land a GOOD job after college, and Antoine got a well paying job doing cable. We finally could afford a couch....and a washer and dryer that was not the "community" set in the apt basement.
Antoine sacrificed, and so did I. We took a handful of vacations and those were NOT grand by any means. For Antoines birthday/Christmas one year (he has 3 days between the two), I purchased him a fish tank. He had wanted one soooo bad. I saved that year to buy the tank and supplies. I had a friend make him the tank stand.
We saved money shopping at Save-A-Lot and Aldis for groceries. We only had a house phone (no fancy cells). Once we eventually had everything in place....we decided we would try to start a family. Once again, we were faced with struggles.
As many of you know, we were doing infertility treatments for a long time. That is a BIG stress on finances. eventually we turned to In Vitro, which our health insurance odes not cover (we are talking $10,000+) here. We opted to try, as we were getting 'older' and didn't want to ever think 'what if'....thank GOD it didn't work and I am the Momma to the best little girl now ;)
After that failed, we started looking into purchasing a home. As reality set in, I knew I wanted to be a mom. Would I EVER have that if I put all of our money towards adoption? It was at that moment we knew we needed at least $20k to set aside for that.
We put our dreams of home ownership to the side.
If you have a dream, the only way you can make it happen is put a plan in motion. Don't sit around and bitch about how your life sucks. MAKE IT DIFFERENT.
We saved every penny, borrowed, and busted our ASSES. Three months after we contacted a lawyer about the possibility of adoption, our daughter was HOME. In the adoption world, that is almost unheard of.
7 months after she came home, I was working part time, and our landlord advised us we had a month to move. He sold our house!!!!!!!!! I cried...I was so mad. How could he ruin our lives that we built for the past 6.5 years in this apt. It still hurts me to this day. BUT I knew what I had to do. I would not allow my life to rewind.
I took money from my 401k to afford our move to a new apartment, and within a month we were gone. I returned back to work full time a month later. I would let NOBODY make me struggle the way I once did. I wanted my daughter to have a great childhood. YES, time with my daughter is important. BUT, my daughter NEVER leaves my sight when I am home. I actually would beg to differ with some SAHM's...I tend to think sometimes I spend more one on one time with my daughter than they do! I never "Take a break" from parenting. I work 37 hrs a week, and in fact, my daughter never went to daycare full time until this Jan. Starting this week, she will be back at daycare 3 days a week again. Antoine is starting a new job and it offers her to spend more time during the week at home.
I REFUSE to struggle how we once did. I VOW to give her a better life....and yes do I wish I could be home with her a few more days a week? OF COURSE. But my daughter is probably the HAPPIEST 2 year old you will ever meet.
It is tiring - I will not lie. When I work a 7-7.5 hour day, come home and MAKE dinner, do my dishes, laundry, cleaning, entertaining (For my 2 year old) - I cannot wait until bedtime. BUT....18 years will go fast, and my life won't always be this tiring once she is an adult! While SAHM's are tired from the errands, etc...I have that job COMPILED with working a full work week. DOUBLE your job...and that is my life. 2 full time jobs. Don't think cause I'm at work, that I didn't get up an hour early to make my daughter breakfast, do her hair, clothe her, rush out the door, take her to daycare, pry her off of me if she is still tired or crabby that morning. I worry all day - not because I don't trust her teachers, but because i'm her MOM. I text my friend all day long that watches her. I have the luckiest situation in the world. A friend I've known since I was 9 has an in home daycare Noey attends. THEY are like Noelani's family to her, and that gives me comfort.When I come to get her, sometimes she is misreable from just waking up from a nap. Sometimes she doesn't want to leave and wants to keep playing and I have interupted that!!!! Then we have to do whatever errands SAHM's accomplish during the day, and then we get home to do dinner, toys, baths, hair, picking out clothes, etc...the list goes on!!
On another note....I cherish friendships. I have a handful of friends. AND I will keep it that way. My FRIENDS stood by me through infertility.....through my struggles....they are always HAPPY for me. And most of all, they care that I am always open and honest with them on my opinions. I no longer have time to make others happy (besides my own family).
I have "Been there and done that" - I have STRUGGLED....BUT we learned to make our lives better. I don't want people who drag me down, or think that my opinions are worthless. To you SAHM's who bust your asses everyday -PROPS to you!! I know some GOOD...no, GREAT SAHM's who constantly do stuff with their kids, keep the house clean, AND never bitch about it! My hat is off to you too. BUT....this is my life....this is what I choose....and YES i'm tired.....but I always keep my friends in mind too. I have one friend out of state that understands I may not be able to call her EVERYDAY....but I almost always make time for her...and I value each and every opinion. I may not agree....but I value it and will talk about it with her.
YES - I am feeling crabby!
Wednesday, March 14, 2012
Lamby
Oh dear Lamby....as my daughter calls you. You replaced one obsession - BINKIES. For that I am grateful. However, you are gross. Yep, I said it! There is no amount of bleach and laundry soap that I can use to make you beautiful once again!
You were never meant to go in the dryer, so your "fur" is matted and no longer nice and fluffy. Your back has a hole in it, because you were a sound soother that my daughter has become attached to (we ripped your "noise maker" out). Your ears have strings hanging from them and are shredded at the ends, because she chews on you to fall asleep. You must go EVERYWHERE.....In fact, Nana even bought a mini version of you so that Noelani can take you to daycare everyday. (And secretly so we don't lose YOU - the original - because that day will be a NIGHTMARE)!!
I wonder how long you will stick around? No other stuffed animal can take your place, and it is a feverish hunt before bed to make sure you are snuggled fast asleep next to my baby girl.
Wednesday, February 29, 2012
Hair post.....
I was just looking through pictures lately, and I am SO shocked by her hair growth!! I look at these first 3 pictures, which are all within the first 6 months of her life, and then I look at the bottom pictures which are just about 18 months later. We rocked ALOT of headbands in the first year!! She went from whispy fine straight hair, to tight coils at about 6 months old. Then, she lost ALL of her hair around the back of her head. Then, she started pulling the sides out!!!
Today, she has a MUCH different texture to her hair, and MUCH more length. I never thought I'd see a day where I could style my daughters hair (hahaha!). Thanks to a satin pillow case, she has regained most of her length now and is gaining more growth everyday!
In fact, I think it's time for a trim to get rid of some of those dead ends....YIKES, im too terrified for that still.
Because she has a different hair texture from Mommy, I am trying to instill an early love for her and her hair early on. Everytime we do her hair, we show her the mirror so she can see how PRETTY it looks. She loves
Friday, February 10, 2012
Princess Room - on a budget!
Sorry for the quality of the pictures, but they are from my phone! Here is Miss Princess Noelani. This is our almost nightly routine - dressing up before bed. She just ADORES being girly. So of COURSE we had to decorate her room as girly as possible! She loves everything princess, so it kind of all began with that!
This sign on her door was actually in her old room as well. I got this originally at the dollar store!! I wasn't sure where to put it, so I stuck it on her door since her wall space was pretty much filled.
Here is her bed. I got the comforter set online, and I really think it was the most expensive item in her room minus the dolls! The castle pillows I picked up from someone at work who had a daughter who outgrew them. The frog is actually a purse I got on clearance at TJ Maxx, and the canopy was given to us from a friend!
Here is another shot of her bed, from when we were unpacking (notice the box). But it was the only shot I have of the curtains. They have sparkly pink/purple sequin flowers....and here are the curtain tie backs I purchased for them, again online:
Her toy stand (that we already had) and I wanted in her room has green in it, and a few other items, like her rug so I wanted to tie the green in somehow
AND, here is the toy area. Don't mind the bucket of paints on the floor - my mom was painting AMAZING things on her wall....which you will see below. The bins are all toys, the carriage opens to a play house of sorts, and the storage buckets you see have all of her hair stuff, shoes, bed sheets, bathing suits etc stashed away.
And THIS is one of my moms awesome artwork pictures she painted. It is NOT crooked, but apparently my phone/hands are! This is now above the toy bins
THIS is another painting thanks to my mom. A beautiful CHOCOLATE princess! All done freehand. The sign above her, I bought at Hobby Lobby, and the framed fabric I picked up all of the stuff at Hobby Lobby and my mom framed/padded/painted it all. THANKS MOM!!
My mom of COURSE also made the sign you see, and I bought the crown jewelry holder from LTD months ago! The memory box my mom made a couple of months after Noelani came home.
Again, my mom made this, and my hands are crooked taking pictures. I got the princess/ballet slippers for about $.25 at Target on clearance!
AND, what started it all? THESE dolls! Daddy bought 7 of them for her, and I had to complete the set with the last 3. (What's with me taking crooked pics) The princess picture frame she got for her bday last year, and the TV I bought from a friend! Im not thrilled with the shelves, but they were all I could find last minute at Target for like $13 each (hello CLEARANCE i love you!). I think I will take them down and paint them white when the weather is nicer!
FINALLY, if anyone cared, this is a panoramic view of her room, minus the canopy. My hubby took this one, I have no clue how to do it!
Overall, on a budget, I am very pleased how her room turned out!! It was a dark tan color (the walls) and so I chose a light lavendar in hopes that it will last a while if we decide to redecorate again. We again did a cheaper route with the paint. I picked a Disney color at Home Depot, and matched it up to a Glidden color as best as I could. ONE can of paint WITH primer, and we got the look we wanted.
I think this is proof ANYTHING can be done on a budget.
Friday, February 3, 2012
Noelani's 2nd Birthday
Here was Noelani's birthday invites. Quite obviously, I've blocked out our phone # and address....just don't feel safe posting that! I made these entirely myself. I purchased a graphic package that matched all of her party decor on Etsy for I believe $5. I used the separate graphics for her invites, cake, and water bottle labels.
I knew I wanted to do an owl theme since probably the day after her first birthday lol!! I was debating back and forth since she is SO into princesses and Yo Gabba Gabba....but then I realized, this is probably the LAST birthday she will allow me to choose the theme. So I figured: GO FOR IT!
I think it was around October or November when I took the above picture. It was literally THE last day that was nice enough to be outside without a jacket. Honestly, it probably was a bit too chilly, but my girl was a trooper! Our old apartment sat across the street from a beautiful Botanical Garden/Nature Park, so we walked over with the last bit of sunlight for the day, and snapped a few pictures. By the time we got home our feet were SOAKED from sinking into the mud. But, as always, she was just happy go lucky the entire time.
As you all know, we bought a house on the 10th of January. We hired movers for the 13th. Of COURSE, they cancelled due to the snow, so we did not physically move our stuff until Jan. 14th. That day, we finally got all of our stuff moved in around 3pm.
I don't know WHAT I was thinking, but I planned her party for exactly 2 weeks following our move in! I think I mailed the invites that week in fact!
Let me just say, my brother in law was LITERALLY hanging pictures on my walls while I was running to get this cake for the party:
Thank goodness for help! Of course, Noelani had dance that morning, so as soon as we got home, I put her down for a nap and started rushing to decorate. My mom brought over balloons, and a much needed caffeine drink (I had the WORST migraine all day and spent the next day in bed all day).
While Noey slept, I set up all the decorations with the help of my sister. My brother in law finished hanging pictures and my mom finished snacks!
Our cake table
Party Favors (thanks to Target dollar section in the summer!)
I printed and rewrapped these water bottles using the pictures I got on Etsy ;)
I had these package of owls I think my mom got me as a craft or something! I found them and at the last minute, my sister and I took some glitter glue pens and decorated them!
My sister ordered these cookies from an AMAZING person she works with!
Balloons Nana brought
The tablecloth and "centerpiece" were from Oriental Trading! Last minute, I propped her 2nd birthday picture up against the wall!
Some of the Chaos opening gifts
Singing to my baby girl!
Honestly, all in all, I would have to say her party turned out better than I expected!!!! I had some AWESOME friends (thanks Melissa, Donna, and my aunt Sherri) who brought some appetizers. My mom and dad bought the pizza for her party, and my sister and her husband bought Noeys cookies you saw. Antoine & I got the cake, and I got all of the matching decorations from Oriental Trading AND from Target throughout the year. I printed the water bottle wrappers and cut them myself.
Knowing that we were moving, I REALLY wanted to keep her party budget under $300 MAX. I was successfully able to do that!!!! AND keep in mind she went to Disney on Ice, the Candy Kids Spa & got the Disney Dolls.
One thing I have been VERY good at is couponing. It may sound really silly to some people, but it has allowed me to do these things for my daughter. If I can save $30 in one shopping trip a couple times a week, it allows for me to spend money in other areas!
I can't wait for next years party/birthday. WAIT....yes I can! That means my BABY will be another year older. Can someone please slow the time down!
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