Catching up!

BOY do I have some catching up to do with blogging!!! I guess I will start with the oldest and then make a few posts until I am current.

This was a first for both Noey & I. We went on our first horse drawn carriage ride. Each year, the plaza by us has Christmas events for the kids. Everything is free (except Santa pictures), so we went to check it out.

They had "Hawk Creek"  there, which is a wildlife rescue organization. They had a few owls there - which is one of Noey's favorites! The picture below is of her looking at a 9 year old owl. She was the cutest thing I've ever seen - I thought she was a baby at first!

There was a cute little section where the kiddos could make a "craft" and Noelani was all about that! Anytime she can get her hands "dirty" she is all about it. 

She was so proud of it when she was done - my little girl is getting SO big!!!! He (the ornament) is now hanging on our door to our apartment. He was just too cute to toss! (Did I ever mention I have a huge issue with throwing away her artwork? This poor kid will probably have BINS full by the time she enters college!)

I don't know much about reindeer, but I have to honestly say, these poor things looked terrified. I felt completely terrible for them! I only let Noey walk over and as soon as I snapped this picture I could tell they were so scared. I kind of even made a comment towards their "owner", something to the effect of, "these poor guys don't want to be here, they are so scared". It really made me sad.

She looks terribly miserable here, but I assure you she wasn't! She was checking out the face painter. After we had a quick visit with the SCARY clown, Noey decided she wanted to get her face painted. I wasn't too sure how she would do, because I didn't think she would understand to leave her face alone. I was basically right in that assumption because two seconds after she got it done, she scratched her face - ah well, there's always next year, but it was cute while it lasted!

This year has really been a lot of fun! I actually cannot believe a year has flown by SO fast. LITERALLY, just a year ago, my baby could not even walk! Now she's running around, taking dance class, and telling me what SHE wants to do! Funny how time flies when you are finally a parent! This time last year, we were moving into this apartment. There was a huge snowstorm and Noey & I were stuck in the house for almost a week, without anything to do - we were literally still unpacking everything and the cable and internet hadn't even been turned on yet!

The holidays have been so much fun and I cannot wait until she opens her gifts on Christmas. She is finally getting a bit excited when I show her snowmen and Santa. She may not fully understand the concept of Christmas (Jesus' birthday) - but she sure as heck knows what a present is - haha!! 

I cannot wait to do other Christmas events with her. Sometimes I miss my little bitty baby, but most of the time I am just so excited that she is growing up and able to do all of these fun things now!!!!

Lesson 4,589 in parenting....

If your child is EXTREMELY quiet while you are taking a shower, and you think it's because she listened to your direction of "sit in your recliner and watch Dora until mommy is done". THINK.AGAIN. It is more likely that she has done something like the following. GUTTED her stuffed zebra. Poor thing didn't have a chance. I have no clue how she even opened it - but he had a hole leading from his neck to his butt.

This is what I saw when I got out of the shower:

 This poor zebra didn't have a chance:

I guess we won't be using him as part of the decor in her new room when we move! He was nothing but a flat carcass when she was don't with him. He is now in the garbage, waiting for his pickup from the garbage men tomorrow. Sorry mister zebra!

Staggering Statistic

"According to the National Center for Education Statistics, nearly two-thirds of low-income American families do not own any books for their children. Limited access to books is a problem for all young children, but for those in low-income areas, it may be tantamount to reading failure."


I heard this report sometime a few months ago on the news. The first thing I thought of was Noelani's birth sisters (I am not sure if that is what I refer to them as - anyone in the adoption world know the proper "term")? Noelani has 3 of them. All are 10 and under. In fact, one is a mere 11 months older than her. 


Something has me feeling a bit uneasy today. While I am VERY fortunate to be able to provide a nice life for Noelani, I feel sad that not every kid can grow up saying this. Some kids may never know what it is like to even have the simple things in life like a book. That really upsets me! 


I don't want to just assume Noelani's birth family cannot afford books, but I will make it very clear that from what I know of them, I believe they would be struggling to use their money in other ways. This does NOT make them bad people - it just shows that unfortunately, many families have to make decisions like this every.single.day. A lot of single moms fight to figure out where they will get money to feed their babies their next meal. I am fortunate to say that we have never had to do that.


WITH that being said, I have decided that Noelani and I will be making a trip to the store this weekend. I finished - ok I can't promise that I finished - but did a lot of shopping for Noelani today. I felt a bit sad bringing in all of these princess toys and dolls today. I felt like - what can I do for anyone else?


Noelani and I will be doing what I know is going to help her birth family. We will go shopping for books and mail them to her sisters. We don't get a response to our packages - but we will send them anyway! That's the beauty of "Santa Clause"......the girls won't have to know who they are from, but we will know we sent them.


I'd like to do something like this each year, but not sure if we will stick with this same theme or not. I plan to involve Noelani in this venture, and though she won't understand it now - she will some day. I hope that in a few years she will maybe even come up with some ideas of things to send to them.


PS....Tammy Wondra, if you are reading this...OR Michelle.....I haven't forgotten about Hannah....we are going to be getting that package out too :)

Dancer

So, we got Noelani to start dance classes. We love this WAY more than gymnastics. She is a "natural" dancer.

We enrolled her so that once we move, she will already have an "activity" she is into in our new neighborhood.

Just wanted to share these couple pictures :)

Look at it as a Blessing In Disguise.....

I feel like Noelani and I have always had an immediate special bond. The first time I looked in her eyes, I could not control my emotions. I had never cried tears of joy - never in my life - in 28 yrs isn't that crazy?....I could never understand when people would cry from happiness. That day, March 26th, 2010, I got that experience. I have never had so much joy fill my entire body in my life. I could not even stop the tears. It was almost as if it was as natural as the air I was breathing. The tears would not stop flowing!

After I had time to let it sink in, I then thought of the amazing feeling I had and thought of Noelani's birth mom & birth dad. Something at that very instant brought me such amazing joy, and at that very moment, they were aware that they would never be her mom & dad again. It almost made me feel guilty for having that much joy in my heart.

I have talked before about how badly I want to make our relationship with Noelanis birth mother a more open relationship. I WANT her to be a part of our lives. I WANT her to respond. I WANT her to send us more information on Noelani's behalf.

I could never understand why they would not want the same.

Not until today.

They say God puts people in your life at unexpected moments, but it is never done by mistake. Nothing God does is by mistake. NOTHING. I had a very trying week as a mom, and a full time working mom. My baby was very sick with viral gastroenteritis. November and December are the busiest months of the year in my job. I am EXPECTED to work overtime and am not allowed to take vacation. This did not happen this week, and Noey being sick, combined with working 10 hour days, made for one TIRED.CRANKY mommy. 

I was ready to leave in a half hour, and my boss told me I could just leave then, and she went home. As I was getting ready to leave, I saw a co-worker of mine, that I see every day and usually just say a quick hi and bye to...however, she always asks about Noelani. ALWAYS! It's always been such a nice gesture since her and I have never worked hand in hand, but she genuinely seemed interested in Noey.

Today, she asked me "how is your daughter?".....I responded with a little smile and said "ohhhh getting big and sassy!" For the LIFE of me, I cannot remember what sparked our conversation, but next thing I knew she was telling me "you know I had a baby I gave up for adoption right?".....I don't know if it was her being nervous or what, but uhm, hello - NO! I had NO clue! She is probably the same age as my mom....so her using the term "gave up" really didn't shock me. (As a sidenote: Adoption is not now what it once was and terminology and views have changed a lot. Seeing that she is my mothers age, and she had her daughter when she was 18 - my best guess is that this daughter of hers would have been born about 30 years ago).

Anyway - I was saying something to the effect of "people just don't understand how loved my daughter is." I was explaining that she is so lucky to have 2 families who love her. She smiled and got teary eyed and said "yes, I know". She then proceeded to tell me, she was 18 at the time and later in life had 2 more children. 

I expressed to her that I was having a tough time understanding why Noelani's birth mom never responds. She said "maybe it's too hard". This was something people have told me, but somehow, for some reason, it stuck to me different this time. This time I could feel the emotion behind it, from someone who had "been through it". 

She then explained to me that the organization she placed her daughter through believed in closed adoption, so she has never had any contact with her. She stated she wishes SO bad that she could, but she doesn't want to "ruin her daughters life". I looked puzzled for a moment and she explained.

She never wanted to see a picture of her baby. The reason : she had a hard time 6 months after placing her, and she wanted to run and find her and change her mind. It was too late. She felt that it was best for her not to have information on her daughter, because in her words she is "the type of person who will throw a party and invite everyone because she feels its the right thing to do and doesn't want anyone to be left out", she was trying to explain she is a very emotional person and gets very attached. She could not imagine seeing a picture of her baby, because she would want to run and take her away. She would imagine herself becoming, for lack of a better word, a nuisance. She said, she knew if she ever would have allowed info to be passed, or received, she would want to be a part of every.single.thing that her daughter did - and she knew it couldn't happen.

She asked me if I could imagine Noelani's birth mother doing that? I responded - "I WANT that relationship". She told me "sometimes things are a blessing in disguise"...she said "Thank God for what you have, and know that sometimes things are meant to be for a reason". I explained that Noelani has 3 sisters, to which she responded "Well, clearly her birth parents know exactly how easy it is to love a child, and to grow an attachment to a child is easy - and maybe that is something they do not want to do". That hit me. I never thought of that. How EASY do I love Noey? How FAST did I love her? THE INSTANT I even knew she existed, I.LOVED.HER. They know this feeling times 3 other children......so yes, I now understand. It is hard.

My co-worker had went on to raise her 2 other daughters as a single mother. As a single mother, with no support from their fathers, she had a hard time accepting it when the father came back into the picture (once her daughters were much older). She told me that once the father came into the picture, she became angered. She stated, how dare she raise her girls and now they want him in their lives? She stated again "Jenn, sometimes, things are blessings in disguise. Wait until your daughter is old enough to understand - THEN seek it out. Maybe by then she can contact her birth mother". She explained to me, that she doesn't think a child younger than 18 could understand me constantly outreaching and getting no response. I am not sure about that part - but I do understand now. I see now, this co-worker has in a way, been on both ends of the spectrum. As the birth parent and the emotions an adoptive parent goes through. I was thankful for her advice and honesty....and the quick tears we shared. Most of all, I am thankful for as she says, blessings in disguise.

I think the next time we give each other a quick hi and a smile in passing, it will have a much deeper meaning. I am thankful for God bringing her into my life, even for those few minutes we chatted.

And I don't doubt for a SECOND that Noelani will always know how much I love her! I constantly tell her I love you throughout the day. A child needs to hear it. Always remember that! Sometimes, even when there are no words, you can tell your child I love you, and they will remember that for the rest of their lives. Even IF she gets the opportunity to meet her birth mother one day, I know in my heart she will never question the love I have for her.

Santa arrived by firetruck!

Today, at our mall, Santa arrived! He came by firetruck and there was a little parade that followed him to the food court. I really thought Noelani was going to be afraid of him! I had been prepping her all week, pointing out snowmen and Santa Clause items at the stores. This morning she held up a decoration that was of Santa, and screamed SNOWMAN! Hey - I guess she was in the same "family" haha!!

The marching band played right before Santa came in

We got to the mall about 45 minutes before Santa arrived. Noelani had dance class this morning which ended at 10:30 and Santa didn't arrive until 11:30. As a WONDERFUL side note, I was able to get Noelanis outfit for her 2nd birthday!!! I won't share it yet :) But it is p.e.r.f.e.c.t! Last year, my sister bought her first birthday outfit at the same store and it was perfect too.

When we went outside, they had Frosty the Snowman, some bears, and puppets for the kids

Santa arrived on a firetruck! They circled the parking lot first.

Noelani has been scared of firetrucks until recently, so I took the opportunity to explain it to her up close!

We stopped on our way to the food court, and there is a section in the mall with "rides" for the kiddos

There was a musical show, and Noey just LOVED it!! She was dancing right along with them!

We took a break from the "Santa" activities to ride the carousel in the mall, then we caught a bite to eat. Afterwards, Uncle Larry and Auntie Amanda spoiled her by buying her a bag of cotton candy. JUST what she needed - sugar! 

After lunch, we decided to "try" to visit Santa. I was totally not prepared, because I honestly thought she would be terrified. I would have dressed her up and bought a picture if I knew she would do so awesome! Guess it looks like we will be going back soon for pictures! We went in line and I had my camera in my pocket. My sister had me leave the line to give her the camera and Noelani FLIPPED. She started crying, thinking she would miss Santa! As soon as it was her turn, she ran right up to him, hands in the air and sat in his lap!!!! I know I keep repeating it, but seriously I am shocked. Aren't kids at her age supposed to be afraid?! Haha -I'm telling you all, I have the happiest easy going baby girl in the world - LOVE IT!

Santa asked her what she wanted, she replied and said "baby". (Uhm kiddo, I hope you mean a baby doll!!!) He asked her if she wanted a Barbie...she said yes (Although I'm not really sure if she understood that).

Santa then gave her a sucker and she was on her way - happy as can be!!!! I will have to see when Santa is at our other mall - Christmas is going to be so much fun this year! I always tell her lately, "maybe Santa will bring you this" when we are in the store and shopping. This chick loves to shop! I mean seriously, when we pulled up to the mall today she screamed "SHOPPING!!!!" She cries if we drive by Target and don't stop. I've created a monster. 

Maybe next year she will understand to SUCK the sucker, not bite it! I think this was gone in 2 seconds flat!

Frosty was in the food court while she was waiting in line for her balloon hat.

And here she is - getting a reindeer hat!

She wore this hat all through the mall! She kept pulling it down over her eyes like a helmet haha! She wore it through all the stores and all the way out to the car. The wind was blowing so hard, she started yelling "STOP.IT" to the wind.

Sadly, one of the antlers popped, and that caused a spiral of a meltdown. By this time it was 2pm, and we had been up since 5:30am. It was MUCH over due for a nap time! Unfortunately, as a full time working Mama, I don't get to enjoy naps. While she fell asleep in the car on the way home, I managed to do my grocery shopping while my mom sat in the car with her. Once I got home, it was time to put away all of the groceries and she was ready to go again! LUCKILY though, today, once Dada came home, this Mommy took a nap for about an hour. I was beat. 

A Years Time....

I can't even believe what a years time has done! This EXACT time last year, I was leaving Noelani with my mom almost every single day after work, running from apartment to apartment, finding us a new place to live. Antoine & I lived in the same apartment for 6-7 yrs and suddenly, at the beginning of November last year, we were told our house was sold. We had a MONTH to find some place to live. Nice huh? Gee thanks landlord for giving us a month to find someplace, at the beginning of the winter and holiday season.

We found a great place....well we thought so. But, we knew it would be temporary because it is only 2 bedrooms, and we wanted to get a house. Not to mention there are like 30 stairs to get up to our apartment, and that really sucks when you have a dog and a toddler AND groceries to get in the house!

SO....needless to say.....we got a house!!!!!!

HERE IT IS.....I will put tiny captions under each:

The front - quite obviously

Part of the patio - continued below

And another shot of the yard...we also have a garage, not sure if you can tell in these pics

Our bedroom

This will be Noelanis room

Third bedroom but we will be using it as an office for now

To the right of the fridge are our laundry hookups

Dining room

Bathroom - Wish you could see the sink - I swear it is what sold me this house LOL!! The whole floor/walls/tub are ceramic

Living Room

 Family Room addition - I think this is what sold Antoine!

` 

And another shot of the family room

Ok this was probably a REALLY boring post....but I wanted to share :) 

We are set to move 2 days after Noey turns 2. That is a "tentative" closing date. So, now I am stressing over where to have her birthday party!!! ALSO, this is on the opposite side of the town from where she takes gymnastics, so I will now be enrolling her in dance. This Saturday she takes a trial class by our new house. If she does well, we will pick this up and take the longer trip the next few weeks so she is all set once we move.

PHEW....I hope it all goes smooth from here!

I am exhausted, and I cannot even think of moving right now! 

LEGACY OF AN ADOPTED CHILD

Once there were two women who never knew each other

One you do not remember, the other you call Mother

Two different lives shaped to make you one

One became your guiding star, the other became your sun

The first one gave you life, and the second taught you to live it

The first gave you a need for love, the second was there to give it

One gave you a nationality, the other gave you a name

One gave you a talent, the other gave you aim

One gave you emotions, the other calmed your fears

One saw your first sweet smile, the other dried you tears

One made an adoption plan, that was all that she could do

The other prayed for a child, and God led her straight to you.

Now, which of these two women, Are you the product of?

Both, my darling, Both, Just two different types of love. ~Unknown

Halloween

HALLOWEEN - this is now Noelani's favorite holiday. Ok, so it doesn't really count because it is the first one she got the concept of, haha, but she loved it! She woke up the next morning, sat straight up in bed and said "chicka cheat?" (Trick-or-Treat).
Noey loves Elmo. I was very hesitant to dress her up as Elmo, since the "traditional" costume seems more of a boyish outfit. However, I found this costume online and knew right away, it was what she had to be!!!

*My Sassy Little Elmo*

We had a great Halloween weekend. For her, it started Thursday night, when my sister came over and she helped with Noey & I carving her pumpkin. Noelani LOVED it and was rubbing the guts all over her. Once we were done, I lit the pumpkin and she laid on her tummy looking into it amazed.

After carving pumpkins, it was time to bake cupcakes for daycare. Here she is helping:

 Friday was her Halloween party at daycare. Because we would be getting a lot of use out of her costume, I decided we would just use a Halloween shirt in case her costume got dirty at daycare! PLUS, I used to work in daycare and would not want to be the one changing all of the kids in and out of their costumes!

Finally, Saturday, she got to wear her costume for gymnastics and bring treats for her little friends. Getting the kids to all sit for the group shot at gymnastics in their costumes was about as interesting as getting them to sit still for their group photos last week that the professional photographer took!

I tried to squeeze in some type of nap for her, and then we were off to Trick or Treat at a local college. The Red Cross sets up a "safe" trick or treating, and for $2 you go from class to class and collect candy. When we got there, of COURSE it started to rain. Noelani was such a good sport and it was just her and I. She was such a good listener. She waited so patiently and didn't cry once! Even when we got inside she was wonderful - even though the lines took forever! She was so excited when we pulled up and she saw the kids dressed in costumes. She was screaming "A-WEEN MOMMY, A-WEEN!!!!" She was excited, until she saw some of the "spooky things" inside and got nervous and was crying a few times. Here are some pictures:

*Waiting in line*

*Finally inside-entrance to trick-or-treating*

*It took her a bit to catch on, but then she got the hang of it!*

I took off of work Monday because I knew she would have a ball dressing up and coming to my work. Also, a co-worker of mine has a 2 year old daughter and we decided we would take them out to lunch together as a special treat (McDonalds - yuck! lol).

*SUGAR - just what they didn't need!*

*Notice my girlie girl, had to find the hand purse to wear*

*Chicken nuggets AND fries (usually she has to get apples - but it was a special day!)*

We went home and she got a much needed nap. After her nap, I made dinner and we headed to my Aunt Sherris house so that Noey could Trick-Or-Treat with her cousin Aryanna. The two of them had a BALL! Noey loved going from house to house and saying "Chicka Cheat". She would tell people "Thank you" and when they would say "you're welcome" she would scream "WELCOME!" Here's some pictures from that night:

Nana & Noelani

Auntie & Noelani

COUSINS

At the end of the night, they kept hugging like crazy. I'm so glad that we were able to go together and she had SO much fun!!!