babies. Yep. I wish it was that easy. I wish I could win the lottery. I wish I could just decide to "have another baby". I go back and forth alot on wanting another baby. In fact, we had another home study scheduled and I cancelled it. My grandma had a stroke And with my mothers hip replacement, I didn't think it was the right time to bring a new baby in (those of you who know us know it was only 3 mos from us meeting with our social worker til Noey came home).
Then I thought about it more and said maybe we should wait until Noey is in prek/kindergarden. Sigh. Now I just don't know anymore!!!
I want another baby....NOW. That is how I feel currently.
When I had my in vitro done 2 yrs ago...I vowed to never do it again. I formed cysts that had to be drained and it was the most excrutiating pain ever.
I just wish that it was as easy for me to have a baby as it is for others. All of my life i wanted 4 kids. Well....i just dont see that happening.
I dont want to sound ungrateful...I just wish Noey could someday have a brother or sister....without feeling like i'm being investigated by the FBI or needing to win the lottery. Although.....if we got to adopt anothe baby its wayyyyyyyy better than the lottery!!!
Please dont think "ohhhh i wish they could have a baby" or "i'd have a baby for you". I've heard it a ton and....i wouldnt change how Noey came into our lives for the WORLD!!!!
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I'm with you on this one. I want more babies. I just don't want them NOW. I used to. Before Kayla was born I wanted a baby like yesterday. I NEEDED her more than any one thing or person in the world. When Kaitlyn was pregnant with Caden, BEFORE she even told everyone...I had that 'we need another baby as soon we can...or tomorrow would be fantastic' mentality. I felt like something or someone was missing. I was not complete. Just a big gut feeling another baby was headed our way SOON. As soon as I laid eyes on him...I felt done. Felt more whole than I have ever been in my life. This time around, I want more babies. I feel we aren't done by any means...but I don't need a baby NOW. Maybe in a year or 2. That would be amazingly wonderfully great. Then again if we didn't have more babies I think I would be ok. I would be ok but I don't want to regret not having a bigger family, or helping another birth mother or giving another child a home to be loved in. So I know where you are coming from. I been there. The whole I need a baby NOW was when Kayla came along. Caden was- tomorrow would be great! And this time is maybe a year or 2 from now. Funny how it changes.
ReplyDeleteMy opinion...God would not give you this feeling if it was not for a special reason. You really never know what the future holds.
I would NEVER go back to infertility treatments to have a baby. It was too much to bear. To much to handle and for me...too much money to just have a miscarriage in the end and end up back at square one when there are so many babies our there in need of the type of home you and I could provide. I would not change our family became a family for the world either.
( also need to add...I really don't think our birth mother is done having babies...so this could be why I am feeling the way I am feeling about a 3rd baby. ) You just never know. Life is full of surprises.
I have so far, NEVER EVER been wrong on a gut feeling.
I don't think you are done having babies either.
Oh noooo I just typed a huge response and it all deleted....sigh
ReplyDeleteLet me try this again....hopefully I can remember all I wrote.
ReplyDeleteSigh. Where do I begin in the response to your comment.
For you....I think you are absolutely right. I never felt like your family was complete when you brought Caden home. I am so entirely jealous of the relationship you have with Kaitlyn - even if it is rocky at times.
I know I'm stupid for even mentioning infertility treatments. I wouldn't go back to it. In fact, I'm on medicine now to help the Endo. I think sometimes I feel inside - maybe it's just easier to keep trying and deal with that hope, instead of the ups and downs of adoption. It's a dumb thought - but its an honest thought I have sometimes.
I also think our BM isn't done having babies - in fact I think she has already had another. I just get that feeling.
Maybe this is just a phase lol maybe in another week I will say I want to wait again. That's why I haven't officially taken the next step again - cause I bounce the idea around so much. I'm just not sure if I'm ready for Noelani to not be the baby anymore just yet.
My hearet goes out to you both. It's wonderful the way you have changed the road these babies may have been on in their lives. It takes a special person to place a child for adoption, but an even more special person to accept that child and love them uncnditionally.
ReplyDelete<3 MOM
Thank you Jenn's Mom. That means a lot to me!
ReplyDeleteIm just now realizing there are responses to my comments on here! LOL! Im slow!